The real cost of Divorce
According to the Money Advice Service, an uncontested divorce using the services of a solicitor will cost on average between £500 to £1000, plus £593 in court fees. A divorce with contested financial remedy proceedings that finds its way to court could be upwards of £30,000.
But that is just financial cost.
The Emotional Cost
A divorce also carries a huge emotional toll. Your distress, energy, and time must also be factored into the real cost of divorce.
Going through a divorce can feel a lot like suffering a bereavement, but without the closure that comes after you bury the body. It can cause feelings of anger, frustration, regret, and sadness. If there are children within the family, they will most likely feel all of your feelings too, and they will hold on to the emotions they felt during their parents’ divorce long after it’s over.
I advise all my clients to do everything that they can to lower the emotional cost. One thing I always suggest is to talk about the big picture and what you each want your futures to look like. Try to find goals in common, like wanting your children to be happy and feel loved, or having a healthy and good co-parenting relationship, and keep your eyes on those as you discuss the smaller details. Don’t fight for everything that you think can get or what you have been told you are entitled to – think about what you really want and how it will affect you and your children’s relationship with your ex-partner for the next 20 years.
Talk to your Children
Have a plan in place before you talk to your children about the divorce. Be prepared to answer their questions about where they are going to live or where they will go to school. Discuss this topic as a family, and don’t play off against your ex-partner. Demonstrate how much you both love your children, and reassure them that that isn’t going to change. You might also consider hiring a family therapist or divorce coach to help you work through your feelings and teach you healthy ways to cope.
If ending your relationship is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself and your children, let’s discuss your specific questions and I will help you to find healthy ways to move your family forward through this difficult process.